10 Worst First Date Ideas
To help you steer clear of a potentially disastrous situation, we've put together a list of the 10 worst first dates of all time.
Dive BarsStop by your favorite dive bar for an evening of drinking and revelry. Let your date know how lucky she is to be with you by pointing out all the women you've slept with and others you could have if you'd wanted to. Be sure to drink heavily and top the night off by starting a fight. Once your date knows that you're in such high demand, she'll be putty in your hands.
Politics are SexyElection season can be a great time to broaden your horizons, which is exactly what you should tell your date when you invite them to join you at a political function for the opposing party. Be sure to name drop as much as possible and if your date protests, politely inform them that you're trying to help them become a better person because they seemed a little narrow-minded during your first conversation. They will appreciate the thought.
Head Banger's BallYou loooove Black Sabbath and even though you know your crush isn't equally enamored, it's simply because they don't know any better. Grab yourself a pair of concert tickets and scream yourselves hoarse. This way you won't have to bother with small talk on the way home.
Double Your TroubleConvince your date to double with your ex and his or her new crush, assuring them that you're just friends now. Be sure to focus the conversation on your failed relationship with your ex and how it doesn't seem like they have anything in common with their date. Because you're sensitive like that.
Comic-ConComic-Con is a place of fun and fantasy where everyone gets to be their favorite hero for a day - whether they like it or not. Show your date how much you care by providing them with a costume (we recommend your preferred comic sidekick or hero hottie) and suit up for a day of delights. Be sure to enroll yourselves in round table discussions about the original Star Wars saga vs. the prequels and whether the latest edition of Dungeons and Dragons makes the game more or less accessible to the masses. They will be fascinated.
McDonaldsWho doesn't love the Golden Arches? Ask your date to dinner on a 2-for-1 day and insist that they order the special. If she won't go along with it, mention that you forgot your wallet and that she'll have to pay. Girls can't resist a frugal guy.
Your High School ReunionIf you weren't the most popular kid in high school, now is your chance to shine! Bring a date to your high school reunion but make sure to take a look through their wardrobe first so they'll look their best, which makes you look your best! We're thinking something low-cut with high heels for the girls, and a tight, v-neck t-shirt for the guys. Don't worry about their comfort, tonight is about making you look good!
License and RegistrationAsk your date to wait with you at the DMV while you get your license renewed; it will be a great chance to get to know each other. On the day of the date, casually mention that they'll have to drive because your license expired actually quite some time ago. When you get to the DMV be sure to pass the time making off-color jokes about your fellow citizens, focusing your attention on different races and nationalities. Everyone loves an equal opportunist when it comes to racial slurs!
Slummin'Nothing says you're an original like a walk through your city's seedy underbelly. Be sure to mention that you "like to keep it real" whenever the opportunity presents itself. Bonus points if you capture some choice scenes of poverty and suffering (or violence!) and post them on YouTube. This will demonstrate that you're always up for a little fame, even at someone else's expense.
Nude BeachEverybody loves a day at the beach, just make sure not to mention ahead of time that you're going to a nude beach. When your date strips down to their bathing suit, raise an eyebrow and ask "Are you really going to stop there?" Now most people will resist full frontal nudity on the first date, especially in public, but you're not going to let them off that easy. Make liberal use of the terms "sissy" and "repressed" as you harass them without mercy, and by mid-day you should be seeing some skin.
Okay, by now you've probably figured out that these date ideas are completely ridiculous but they actually provide a pretty good list of things to avoid on a first date. And by that we mean the actions - not just the ideas - so consider some of the missteps:
- Selfish and inconsiderate behavior
- Being a cheap date
- Making racist comments
- Moving too fast
- Forcing your interests on your date
- Talking about previous relationships or sexual encounters
- Flirting with others
- Trying to change your date's opinions
- Not going somewhere you can talk and get to know each other
- Being phony and insincere
- Drinking heavily and fighting (we're hoping this last one is obvious)
TOP DATE IDEAS
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