Say Goodnight or Say Goodbye?
by Kat Richter

Dating isn't always what it's cracked up to be. You've got the first date jitters, the debate over what to wear and finally the act of making small talk. We're all familiar with the concept of love at first sight, but what if your first date isn't quite as perfect as you'd hoped it would be?

At the end of the evening you're going to have to make a choice: do you say goodnight (as in "I'd love to see you again") or goodbye (as in "Never in a million years")? Read on for some common first date scenarios and what to do if they've happened to you.

Was Your Date Nervous?

If your date seemed nervous, awkward or just altogether lacking in the confidence department, you might want to cut them a break this time. Maybe they were blown away by your beauty or so dazzled by your witty repartee that they couldn't even fathom stringing a sentence of their own together.

In this case, say goodnight and give them a second chance. You can't teach a person to be more confident (at least not overnight) but another date where you're both more relaxed might help them to channel their inner Rico Suave.

Was Your Date Distracted?

If your date's more interested in the Ravens vs. Steelers game than he is in you, you might want to re-think your plans for a second date. The same goes for texting, interrupting your conversation to take a call or checking out the girl at the next table while you're supposed to be having dinner.

Say goodbye. If your date can't make time for you now, there's little chance that's going to change.

Did Your Date Arrive 30 Minutes Late?

If your date shows up half an hour late you may want to give them the boot (if you're even still there to give it to them) but take a moment to consider the following before you flee the scene.   Were they courteous enough to call and let you know they were running late? Maybe there really was an emergency at work, or their grandmother feel down the stairs and they were the only person available to help. In this case, you may want to give them a second chance.

If, however, your date doesn't bother calling to let you know they're going to be late (and doesn't bother to apologize), say goodbye. This is a sign of things to come so unless you enjoy sitting around by yourself, save your time for someone who deserves it.

Was Your Date Rude?

If your date is rude to the wait staff, you're looking at a major red flag. Even if the waitress has served you the wrong entree (and managed to spill it in your lap while during the process), there's no need to get belligerent about it. In addition, if you pick up the tab and your date doesn't say thank you, you're looking at another deal breaker.

Say goodbye and move on.   

Did Your Date Drop a Bomb?

If your drops a bomb during your first date, you might be inclined to cut your losses and head back to the drawing board—especially of that bomb turns out to be "Oh yeah, I have kids" or "By the way, I've been divorced three times." But first dates are all about getting to know one another. And if your date is gracious enough to tell you about his or her slightly-checkered past, you should be thankful for it, not judgmental.

Of course only you know what you can and cannot handle so if a prior marriage or a child from a previous relationship is a deal breaker to you, then say goodbye. But if there's even the slightest chance that you might change your mind - or come to love this person in spite of their baggage - give them a chance.   

Did You Disagree?

If you and your date found yourselves embroiled in a bitter argument on your very first date, you might feel the urge to say goodbye. But hang on a minute. What were you arguing about? Was it something that really matters to you or was it something silly? And how did you argue? Was it an all out brawl or more of a respectful debate? Say goodbye if it was former but if it was the latter, give it another shot. (Besides who doesn't love a little make up sex?)

Was it Too Much Too Soon?

If your date comes on too strong (i.e. she's already told her parents that you're coming to Thanksgiving dinner), run and don't look back. I once dated a man who invited his parents to "accidentally" drop by while we were out to dinner on our first date because he couldn't wait for them to meet me. Surprise, surprise: we never made it to the second date mark. If your date's already planning romantic getaways for two or showing you off to their family and friends, say goodbye. And change your phone number while you're at it.

Was There Just no Spark?

We've all been there. Sometimes there's just no spark. No chemistry. No laughter, even. If this happens, you have two options: chalk it up to first date jitters and give your date (and yourself) another chance or say goodbye and move on. In my experience, chemistry is either instant or non-existent, but patience isn't exactly my greatest virtue. Sometimes it takes time to get comfortable around a person so as long as you're both honest with each other and found your time together at least marginally tolerable, give it another go.

Homework

• If you've recently had a less-than-stellar first date take a moment to consider what went wrong. Maybe you had a bad day at work and weren't feeling your best, or maybe your date was just nervous. If that's the case, give them (and yourself) another try.
• Take some time to consider what constitutes a "deal breaker" for you. Try to initiate a conversation about it (or them if you have a few) before or during your next date.
• If you find yourself in a "no chemistry" situation, try planning for a second date that will get your blood pumping. If you went to dinner the first time around, try something active next time. You just mind change your mind when you realize that your date looks awfully sexy climbing a rock wall.

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