Bondage for Beginners
by Kat Richter

Fuzzy handcuffs for some light bondage
Let's say you and your and partner have been together for a few years, or even a few months, and you've come to the realization that your sex life is, well, rather vanilla. Maybe your girlfriend has been reading Fifty Shades of Gray and she's getting curious or maybe you're sick of the same old routine in the bedroom and have been thinking a change of pace will spice things up a little.

Well, you've come to the right place.

First of all, you should know that it's perfectly natural to be curious about bondage - it's erotic. Research has shown that women with Type A personalities like to let someone else take control in the bedroom. And even nice guys can get excited by being in charge. There's also the reverse situation, in which the woman takes on the dominant role or "top" and the man becomes the submissive or "bottom," and BDSM (which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism) is popular with all sorts of couples regardless of their age, gender or sexual orientation.

BDSM encompasses a wide range of activities. Most, such as sensation play or restraint bondage, are perfectly safe as long as you're careful but "edge play," which ranges from needle play and knife play to breath play and even fire play are much more controversial given their potential for serious injury or even death in extreme cases. We're going to focus on bondage and developing a consensual D/S (dominant/submissive) experience with your partner.

First off, it's important to establish an extremely honest and trusting relationship with your partner before you begin. And if your boyfriend or girlfriend is simply not into the idea, don't force them. Talk about it, and don't be afraid to share your fantasies but keep in mind that for many people, reading a book is way different than actually being tied down and spanked. Many individuals experience feelings of guilt both before and after engaging in BDSM and you need to be respectful of your partner's physical and emotional needs.

Given the nature of bondage, there's a good chance that you or your partner may also experience fear or discomfort. This is why it's a good idea to talk about what you are and are not comfortable with before you get started. It's easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment so make sure you and your partner are clear about your boundaries beforehand. You'll also want to set up a safe word that signals to your partner that you're uncomfortable and would like to stop. (Just be sure to pick something other than "no" or the obvious "stop" as resisting your partner can be half the fun. You need to make sure that your partner knows you mean business when you invoke the safe word. Mine is rutabaga.)

For your first foray into the world of BDSM, you'll want to start with something fairly non-threatening and easy to set up. Here are a few sample ideas that you can try or use to plan your own experience:

  1. Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

    Light plenty of candles and lie your partner down on his or her back before undressing them from the waist up. Peel their top off but don't remove it all the way. Instead, wind the fabric around their wrists and apply a gentle pressure to let them know you're in control. What comes next is up to you but oral sex and a little dirty talk can be a great start. Remember, you have them at your mercy so make sure to do plenty of teasing.
  2. In Control

    A big aspect of BDSM is control - either having power over your partner or being powerless. This doesn't necessarily mean they're physically bound but rather compelled to obey your commands. So for this experience use a blindfold instead of the restraints and have your partner carry out your wishes. It could be a foot massage, brushing your hair, licking something sweet off of your favorite body parts, or providing with oral pleasure. Make sure to give them plenty of instructions and be firm.
  3. It Hurts so Good

    For those that want to take things a tiny bit farther, try tying your partner up and making them squirm with ice cubes, a feather, warming lotion, or another fun torture device. If you're a little more adventurous then maybe it's time to try a little spanking. They have been naughty lately...

If your partner seems to enjoy being pinned beneath you, you can grab a handful of neckties the next time around. Scarves work well too, just make sure you're not using anything particularly valuable in case either of you get carried away. Use your material of choice to bind your partner's wrists together either behind their back, in front of them or above their head. If that's not enough, you can bind their ankles too, either to each other or to the corners of your bed.

Before attempting a full spread eagle scenario, you'll want to experiment a bit with the type of knots you're trying. If you're just getting started, don't go too crazy. Make sure your partner can slip out if he/she gets uncomfortable. You can always up the ante next time but for now it's important to make sure that your partner is enjoying the experience.

Gags can be fun, but again you'll want to wait until you have firm understanding of what your partner does and doesn't like, as they won't be able to say much with your necktie between their lips. We suggest starting with a blindfold instead, as this heightens your partner's awareness but prohibits them from seeing what you have in store.

Spanking can be fun too - and quite a turn on for both parties - just remember to pay attention to your partner's physical and verbal cues from to make sure you're not actually hurting them, which brings us to our next point: aftercare.

BDSM is highly psychological and you don't want to leave your partner physically or emotionally scarred. It's important to take the time afterwards to show your partner that you still care about them and respect them as an individual, even if you had them across your lap for a good spanking just moments earlier. This is called "aftercare" in the BDSM community. Talk about what worked and what didn't work, what you enjoyed and what you'd like to try (or avoid) next time. Some experienced BDSMers recommend a three-phase aftercare: once immediately afterwards, once a few hours later and once the following day so that if either of you are shy about speaking up, you'll have plenty of opportunities to do so.

If you and your partner decide that you'd like to upgrade from homemade restraints, check out Adam and Eve. They offer all sorts of beginner-level bondage gear, from candy flavored gags to over-the-door sex swings.

In essence, anything goes as long as it's consensual and you're respectful of your partner's boundaries. So start talking and start experimenting—you never know what you might find.

Copyright © 2009-2014 Hot Date Ideas. All Rights Reserved.

Do you like this romantic idea? Share it with your friends!

Comments

Free Romance!

Sign up for our newsletter and have romantic ideas and tips delivered to your in-basket every week. It's too easy!

HAVE A BUTTON!

Like our stuff? Feel free to add our button to your blog or site and share us around. Hot Date Ideas

Our Partners

Fieldwork in StilettosDating advice from a girl